You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
