the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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