he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
