his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
