Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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