Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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