you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
