I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
