The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
