I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
