i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
