Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize