So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
