Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
