BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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