He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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