just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
should my penis look like a turkey
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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