I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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