shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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