i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize