Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just invented taco cereal.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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