why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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