im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
