fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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