I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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