That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
