if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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