I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just crazy horny about you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
