Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
