Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
