i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
