His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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