were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
