Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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