I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
50% drunk capacity currently
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
