I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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