I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize