why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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