Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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