I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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