I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
