White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
