Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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