My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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