the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
