I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
