dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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