A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
