Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
