dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
