Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
