i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
