Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why do cheetos always look like penises
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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