So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am available for nakedness
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
