Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
