Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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