I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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