When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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