yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize