Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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