I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
