I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to fling myself into the sun
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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