So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
