i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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