Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
