i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize