So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
