u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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