They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
