Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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