You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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