Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
