At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
