she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
