she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
